The Night of the Big Snow and the Beit Din

Last year on Motzei Shabbos parshas Mispatim on the night of the big snow , here in Israel I was suddenly wakened to a very dark coldness. yes it was snowing and the electricity was out but it wasn't that kind of darkness or that kind of cold. I normally go to bed early and it is not uncommon for me to wake up in the wee hours of the night. I generally use this time to pray you know to speak with Hashem.

Anyway this night was different as I woke and washed my hands there was a presence in my room. Straight away I heard, "it's time!" what? "It's time prepare yourself!" what? "I have come
to take you, it's time!"

The voice was real and I began to tremble
everyone was asleep, but myself and our little dog Mahzeh, who was sitting next to my bed nerviuosly looking in the direction of the darkness in the conor of the room. The voice said again, "prepare yourself, go and kiss you children and ask them to forgive you, it's time." So I got up got dressed and let the dog out come back up stairs and started to cry and shake as the reality of this hit me. On Shabbos I lost my temper really bad I cant remember even why now. But it was a real blow out. Those of you who know me know that I could really lose it. Anyway I walked into my sons room the first I came to. And there I cried and asked them to forgive me. I cried on them and hugged them they stirred but did not wake up. Next into the little one's room my babies, the same, I cried and though of how I've been a monster angry, yelling, raving fool I almost collapsed on the floor I was by now really shaking I kissed them both. Now I went into my eldest's room she was now a beautiful young woman, I probably caused her the most pain. My tears dripped on her she rolled over I begged her to forgive me. I kissed her on the cheek and turned and went out. now my room I stood in the darkness and shuddered when when I saw him in the conor waiting for me to finish. I stepped up next to my wife's bed and fell apart I cried and cried and pleaded for her most of all to forgive me how much she has had to endure oy!

I returned to my bed and was told to "say the shema let's go!"

"No" "just wait a minute", "I do not want to go", "I have kids they need me", "my poor wife what is she going to do?" They pressed me to say shema. I argued "what? " "I have no good at all?" "there is no chance for me to repair what I damaged?" "No!" "say shema!" I was really crying now my whole body shook! I knew I was going to leave any second now i could feel it. "But wait", "I have no tzehut at all? I did not do teshuvah? ", "I didn't give up everything I was doing in my life to become Torah observent?", "I left the life I had and gave up all to serve Hashem!" "I moved to Israel to be close to Hashem!" "Have not earned any merits at all?", "I like Avraham I left my home land to come here to sevre you", "my only thought was to sevre you." ok I have no tzehut." What about our fore fathers Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaakov, Moshe, Dovid the Baal Shem Tov... ah Rebbe Nachman! Rebbe, you said if "I came to your grave and gave Tzadakah, and said the Tikun, that you would traverse heaven and earth and even come to gehinom to help me." You Promised!!! I heard a voice it was 2:44am as I saw the clock "He is the talmid of Rav shalom Arush ben Yamnah from Jerusalem.

I pleaded for one more shabbos so I could really keep it, and if you'll give one more shabbos then maybe you'll give one Purim so I could have a real Purim in Jerusalem with my Rav. And if you'll give me Purim then please, please let me have peseach, and and I want to count the omer and make it through all the way with out messing it up. Please give me Shevuot with the yeshiva and give me one more Rosh Hashanna in Uman with the Rebbe! Please please let me sit in my Rav Sukkah. Please give Shelosh Reglim in Jerusalem. By now, now it had hit me like a ton of bricks I was sobbing and soaked from cring my whole goof hurt from crying, and I was yelling and no one woke up only me and the little dog she heard me and was sitting looking at me. Like what is this guys problem, but with undersdtanding eyes like what's wrong? She dint budge the whole time she just sat there and looked at me and glanced for time to time at the darkness in the cornor.

"Shema Irsael Hashem......"

When I woke up in the morning I was very surprised to find myself in my room. Everyone was still asleep as no one was going any where because of the snow.

I got up washed my hands it was 7 something, and prayed I mean prayed and thanked Hashem that I was Still here. I looked out the windows it was still snowing but like last night when there was lighting and thunder and the wind howeling now peaceful heavy snow the sun broke through here and there it was wonderful.

A cup of coffee yum it tasted great every thing
was new, I mean good!

I even kissed the dog and hugged her she was the only one to witness all this. She look relieved to see me. I never liked having the dog in the house, cause she's tamei and I'm cheredi, but living in the west bank and on the edge of the yishuv, she was our alarm if Hashem forbid that Arabs came to the house she would give me the time I need to defend my family so I gave in to her living with us but now I loved her I was never really nice to her I just kind of put up her the creature but now we had shared this experience. Anyway I did not say anything to anyone and when my family got up it was wow! lets play in the snow! My wife was still angry over my explosion so, I left to go to a friend up on the hill to see the snow. The day passed and the next, "cause there are any snow plows in Israel" and I no longer had the jeep so the fiat was not going to get us to Jerusalem in these conditions so we stayed home for two days.

Tuesday morning though the kids and I drove in to town to school, and I to yeshiva. on the way we almost got killed as a Arab semitrailor fuel truck lost control right in front of us, in a curve and it killed 8 and injured 20 people in front and in back of us as we made it though with just 2 or 3 inches on either side fuel truck spun out and wipeout two Arab taxis in the process we were in the middle and drove right though the middle kind of like the matrix slow motion as I spun around the edge Yankey yelled look out as tire from the taxi flew just skimming over our heads just missing the roof of the car right in front of my head and the tail end of the truck just missed the door post 10cm next to my face and we made it. There was black ice all over the road. Well all this is not really important. what happens next is...

Now what is about tell you really to happen it is true this whole story really happen!

As I entered the Yeshiva, and I timidly after all these events I walked into the down stirs Beis Medrash to Davin as I passed the Rav office the door was open. The way the office is set up you cant see the Rav at his desk it's out of sight. anyway as I passed I heard Nathanael, I literally back stepped to the door and stuck my head in the door and Said "yes Rav you called me?" "Come in and shut the door, ok, He now asked me. Do you understand what happened to you on Motzei Shabbos?" I dropped my Talis and Tephilin bag and started to shake. I'm shaking now as I right this an crying. with my mouth hanging open I said Rav I need to t'shuvah He said sit down so I sat down. He said that he had been awakened at 2:44am on Motzei Shabbos and called to a Beit din. He said it took a little while for him to realize for who. But that he had worked to get my sentence commuted. He then told me that he has been praying for me and that my din meis my death sentence, He and Rebbenu had gotten it reduced to life. what? They reduced my sentence to lifetime community service. that ment I now have to clean up the mess I made. this is when I said "Yesh ma lasot" that "there is something to do!" and I'm trying. I now try to see only the good and judge all on the side of tzehut the gemorra tells us of a story in Rosh Hashanna, 17a "Rav Huna son of Rav Yehoshua became ill, Rav Pappa went to see him and to inquire about him, He saw that he was on the brink of death and said to the people there "supply him with provisions for his journey", ie. bring him shrouds. later he Recovered and there is a discussion about what Rav Pappa saw. "The Holy one blessed is He, said to the heavenly court since 'since he does not stand on his principal, he is tolorent of others who wronged him, Do not take a strict stand against him " He who pardons transgression and overlooks sin... Who's transgression does he pardon? "One who overlooks sins committed against himself."

It has been one year now since this took place, I'm not feeling so well. But I'm looking at everything much differently than last year. I fell to sleep here and there this year and wasted some time but I did not fall back into my coma. I'm trying, and I have not forgotten that time is short maybe, very short? But what matters the most is what we do with it! Please help me and together we can help the whole world to become a better place. Think positivly, Do not judge others actions or deeds they are not our business. Only what we do to others is of our concern. Look and find the good in yourself and in others, and in each and everything of everyday. Thank Hashem for everything, for even the seemingly bad is full of good.
"Our job is to find it, expose it and raise up the good out of the seemingly bad of this life. Then you'll start to live! Each of us can be an example of truth and goodness to someone else. Stop being selfish with your time for it's not yours anyway. Stop to steal from our Father in Heaven!", "as every thing is His" "The whole world is full of His glory"!!!

And by our not thanking Him for all. We are stealing from His goodness so there is less for others. Please, please dear brothers and sister stop, right now, stop and think? None of us knows whether we have another minute let alone and hour or day. So stop in your tracks right now! Make a firm commitment to change a little each day. Just a little more good can bring the redemption who knows if the next positivey thought you have may be the one. Please I way not be here to se it but you might be so help yourself pray for someone.

Pray for me! Nathanael Levi Ben Chana Sharah for Refuah Shelaimah

Shalom Reb Nati